[Symptom Free] - One Boy Takes The Weekend Off (Part 2)
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May
22nd, 2008
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Note From RoryVolume 1, Issue 10 Dear Reader, What a week it has been! I have had the opportunity to connect with so many wonderful people. This is perhaps the most enjoyable part of the work I do... Meeting new people, hearing their stories, and connecting on a personal level. You can't beat that! If you haven't done so already, I would love for you to send me an e-mail and let me know about yourself, your family, and your situation. It's what I live for... After all, it's all about connection, support, and having fun together. And that's a little of what we are talking about in the ADHD Strategy Series. If you have missed the calls, or are not yet signed up - there is still time left. I would love to have you join us. The calls have been loaded with information and support. And there is so much more to come! For those of you in the US - enjoy a great, long Memorial Day weekend. Of course I wish the same to our International readers as well - enjoy the weekend. I hope you have a chance to do whatever it is you have been hoping to accomplish all week long. As for me - I am taking a step back from work and looking forward to the NCAA Lacrosse National Championship games. Until next week... http://www.theADHDparentsmovie.com |
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Article
One Boy
Takes The Weekend Off Continued from Part I... What Is Really Going On With This Boy? Thank you so much to everyone who wrote in with their ideas and questions about this particular case. I really enjoyed hearing your thoughts, comments, suggestions, and additional questions that should be considered.What our readers suggested:
When I first met this young boy, I was immediately taken by his presence in the room. He was not at all defensive, and in fact connected immediately. I carefully watched the interaction between Jim and his "Mom" - and noted a little bit of tension. It wasn't anything remarkable or out of the ordinary - but just an interaction to be aware of and pay attention to. Of greater note was the complicated family history. In most cases, I like to consider family interaction and the impact that environment (aka. external forces) have upon behavior and a general level of adapting to what is "expected." Knowing that this boy was living in a home where his biological mother was more like a "sister" - spoke greatlty to me. This is far from what we would expect in a parent-child relationship - and the implications of this can be tremendous. While considering the family history, I am also watching a boy who "allegedly has ADHD" sit very still and very well behaved in my office. While ADHD does not always suggest a child is bouncing off the walls, there is usually some level of fidgeting or hyperactivity to note. There was almost none in this case. Could he have been on his best behavior? Possibly... But I watch for that too. Furthermore, Jim's "Mom" stated that he only takes his medications Monday through Friday during the school day. **It was once believed that children with ADHD only need to be medicated during the school day. However we now know better, and children who truly have ADHD and benefit from medication will need this medication consistently. ADHD is not turned on or off by a light switch. If in fact this boy has ADHD, it would be present across situations, time, and experiences. And what I mean by this - he would really need medication every day of the week. In this case, it appeared that Jim's problems were not related to ADHD - but more so to underlying problems or concerns. He didn't like school! He wasn't interested in doing his work! He could do it - he could do it well - he just wasn't passionate about it. He wasn't motivated to do it... From what I saw, he was a very bright, intelligent boy who had a remarkable memory and an outstanding ability to be creative and engaged in activities where he was most passionate. What's The Outcome? Unfortunately, I can't tell you one way or another about whether Jim has or had ADHD. From what I saw, he was not struggling with ADHD. My interactions with him revealed a child who was quite capable and was not being challenged, motivated, or stimulated enough. He appeared to be more a product of his environment and circumstances than a child who was struggling with a biological disorder like ADHD. How do we fix that? There is no clear answer. In therapy, I cannot push my agenda. Instead, therapy is a place where Jim gets to do what he wants (within reason), to say what he wants, and to be in an environment where he is not pressured at all. Only time will allow for him to open up and be comfortable with addressing these "issues." On the other hand, a different explanation and approach to therapy could make the most difference. A child like Jim seems to believe that therapy is a place to "talk" about your feelings. This is a common belief about traditional therapy, but times have changed. At the same time, the concpet of coaching could be introduced so that Jim understands the intent and focus of our time together. Instead of "talking" about feelings - we could be working together to create strategies to help him be more connected and motivated in school. Remember - not everyone does well in school. Not everyone is intended to like school. And in fact, many successful people didn't do well in school. The bottom line? It appeared that with everything going on, I was just one piece of an incomplete puzzle. I was one member of a team that was missing. Jim had very little support in his world - no tutor, no advocate, no coach, and no one person he could rely on (outside of his parents). It all starts at home - but we can't do it alone (nor should we be expected to)! |
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The Truth The Truth Behind ADHD is managed by Dr. Rory Stern. Dr. Stern is an advocate, therapist, coach, and speaker on parenting children with ADHD. In managing "The Truth" and this newsletter, he offers a unique style of providing parents of children with ADHD both information and insight into what their child is experiencing. In addition, he connects with parents on a level that allows them to understand their own struggles along with how their children are struggling. His main goal is to provide parents with the support, encouragement, and resources to take action now - so they can start to experience change in their child's life, as well as in their own. Read more about The Truth... |
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